I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
