So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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