She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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