I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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