erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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