just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize