..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
