I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
