We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
