mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
