obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i think my cat just said my name.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
