Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
