i love accidental penises.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
