take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
