Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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