So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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