the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
