Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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