I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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