May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize