There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
