You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
