that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
