i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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