So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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