there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
