I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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