I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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