I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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