He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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