youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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