so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
