I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
