I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
