she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
