If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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