hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize