I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
