I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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