it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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