3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
