I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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