ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did I show you my penis last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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