thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
