i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
