My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
