I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
