Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
