I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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