I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
