I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
