Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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