haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
