just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
