It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
her vagine was all disorganized.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
