He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize