I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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