I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
