I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize