i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
