I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
