final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
