I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
