I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
