i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
