no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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