oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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